Turns out that I’ve been selected to compete in an Olympic test event, which is called Water Luge and is just a huge water flume. An attractive French girl who looks strangely like someone who gets on my train in the mornings and who I happen to know is not French not only designs the course, but then competes and operates the race control and start mechanisms which seems an oversight in terms of fairness. Anyway, competitors are sat on bicycle seats and are launched forward at the start. The flume seems to be made of ply wood but there is surprisingly little splintering. I make a poor start but gather speed and start catching, until somewhere near the end my speed launches me off the flume and I fall a long way into a plunge pool, which turns out to be in Blaby Waitrose circa 1990. Ian Botham appears to inform me that I finished 4th and the plunge was part of the course. ‘I got out of the game after Atlanta where the course was all drop’ he reminisces while Jonathan Agnew nods silently next to him.
Seem to be living on a roof terrace above a house that is a combination of the homes of my aunts’ homes. Go for a brisk jog to look at local girls who are also out jogging, return to home, eat a considerable amount of Chipsticks. An ex-girlfriend arrives to give a regular update on her life, observes my hamster that is called Tom, shows me a magazine article of pictures of Sinitta performing acts of contortion within glass animal houses. Then reveals some very pretty underwear and leaves, only to rush back excitedly tell me that she has just bought the MSR Newsagents chain, which is inexplicably operating as a laundrette-based business, and that she’s going to be right. She then kisses me goodbye and leaves, although at this point she looks like Liza Minnelli as shes just put a coat and bowler hat over on. I wave her goodbye. There are no chipsticks left because my brother Matthew has eaten them
MSR News: No Laundrette facilities whatsoever
Right, in last night’s dream I was driving from Lutterworth to somewhere, presumably Dunton, and in the air there was a large floating object that looked like a blue combine harvester with a white paint job on the top. Closer inspection revealed that it was infact an agricultural vacuum machine that floated at about 100 feet in the air and then plummeted to the ground having lined up with a specific grid point on the field, marked out with what I thought were locus points for some navigational system but looked a bit like golf ball shaped tee markers. The machine plummeted to the ground an vacuumed up eggs from loose soil on the ground. I viewed this process from an on-board point of view and enjoyed the rollercoaster like ride. Unfortunately the removal of eggs from the ground on this industrial scale irritated local crows, who pressumably laid some claim to said eggs, and me and the people who were with me, who I can not recall, had to crawl back across the field to the waiting car while being dive-bombed by the angry crows.
Here is a picture of a crow:
